scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
