so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
