so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
