I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
