Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
