why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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