i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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