so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
