That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
