is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Randomize
