walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
