I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Bring me that man meat
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
