i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
