We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
