what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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