I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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