I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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