Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
