oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
