We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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