and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
