Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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