I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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