i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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