I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
