i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just invented taco cereal.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
