checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
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