Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
