I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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