Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
