Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
