I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
