This is not my ceiling
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
