He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
