you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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