for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
