i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
