when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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