he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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