she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
