I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
