The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I deserve this hangover.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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