Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
