he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
