Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
