Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
