Fine. I'll sleep in my office
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
