I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
