dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
