I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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