you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
